Stepping Stone
Baby,
There is something that feels different about writing you now. It's almost as if I'm writing to a different person than I have been all year. The first baby I was writing to came into our lives with so much joy, and also left this world more quickly than we expected. It's been just over a week since we lost our first sweet baby, and this week has been filled with a lot of emotions and questions and prayer and silence and tears and peace.
It's almost as if I'm writing to a new baby now. Our first baby has a part of me that cannot be replaced. But, you, you hold a new place in my heart. I am praying that you will be the baby that I will be able to hold, and rock to sleep, and give you a bath, and watch you grow. Nothing will ever take the place of our first baby, but we are praying that you, our second baby, will be one that we spend a lifetime of days with.
We have heard several people say to us over the past week, "So sorry about your loss, but you know, a lot of people lose their first baby and then go on to have several healthy babies." While this is true, we are not viewing our first baby as a "stepping stone" to our future children. The doctor tried to encourage us that although this miscarriage was disheartening, it was a major "step" in our infertility journey. Obviously, to some degree, I have learned to take what doctors say with a grain of salt (especially those that lack bedside manner.) While he might picture our first baby as a "step", I still picture their toes, and fingers, and nose, and belly button, and cheeks, and chunky legs. And I can still smell the Aveno baby lotion that daddy and I picked out just 1 week after we found out we were pregnant. And I can still feel the heartache that we felt, staring at a sonogram screen, as the Dr. told us we had lost our first baby.
A miscarried baby is not a stepping stone. It is a life. A life that made me a mommy. A life that made my best friend a daddy. A life that God has used to impact the lives of so many other people. This baby was so much more than a stepping stone to me. It was our first little snowflake, and it was your first brother or sister. I am praying every day for you and for our other future snowflakes, and that no matter how long your lives are, you will all spend eternity with me, daddy, and most importantly our Savior.
-mommy
There is something that feels different about writing you now. It's almost as if I'm writing to a different person than I have been all year. The first baby I was writing to came into our lives with so much joy, and also left this world more quickly than we expected. It's been just over a week since we lost our first sweet baby, and this week has been filled with a lot of emotions and questions and prayer and silence and tears and peace.
It's almost as if I'm writing to a new baby now. Our first baby has a part of me that cannot be replaced. But, you, you hold a new place in my heart. I am praying that you will be the baby that I will be able to hold, and rock to sleep, and give you a bath, and watch you grow. Nothing will ever take the place of our first baby, but we are praying that you, our second baby, will be one that we spend a lifetime of days with.
We have heard several people say to us over the past week, "So sorry about your loss, but you know, a lot of people lose their first baby and then go on to have several healthy babies." While this is true, we are not viewing our first baby as a "stepping stone" to our future children. The doctor tried to encourage us that although this miscarriage was disheartening, it was a major "step" in our infertility journey. Obviously, to some degree, I have learned to take what doctors say with a grain of salt (especially those that lack bedside manner.) While he might picture our first baby as a "step", I still picture their toes, and fingers, and nose, and belly button, and cheeks, and chunky legs. And I can still smell the Aveno baby lotion that daddy and I picked out just 1 week after we found out we were pregnant. And I can still feel the heartache that we felt, staring at a sonogram screen, as the Dr. told us we had lost our first baby.
A miscarried baby is not a stepping stone. It is a life. A life that made me a mommy. A life that made my best friend a daddy. A life that God has used to impact the lives of so many other people. This baby was so much more than a stepping stone to me. It was our first little snowflake, and it was your first brother or sister. I am praying every day for you and for our other future snowflakes, and that no matter how long your lives are, you will all spend eternity with me, daddy, and most importantly our Savior.
-mommy
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