All I Want for Christmas is no D&C
Baby,
Bad news. I feel like life is full of so much bad news. All I wanted was a healthy, full term pregnancy. Then after we found out that wasn't going to happen, all I wanted was for the miscarriage to be an easy one. I prayed, and begged God to let it pass easily and without complication. But now, I'm not even sure that is going to happen.
Long story short, after I thought the miscarriage was over, the doctor wanted to check my blood work to make sure my levels had gone back down to my pre-pregnancy level of 0. Kinda funny, all I ever wanted to see was my levels go UP, and now, I'm praying for them to go DOWN. After my blood work last week, they wanted my level to come back at 0, but it came back at a whopping 17,500. Basically what this means is that I still have remnants of your brother or sister inside of me, and they aren't wanting to let go. This would require a procedure called a D&C. The worst part is that this is a $2,500 procedure! We have already spent your entire college fund to try and become pregnant, so to have to pay money to finalize the end of our first pregnancy just flat out sucks.
Tomorrow is mommy's birthday. My 25th birthday. According to my life plan that I had written in stone at the age of 14, I should have my first child by now. Clearly, that hasn't happened. And tomorrow, on my birthday, is when I will find out whether I need the D&C or not. I am begging God for good news. Just this once, please let there be good news.
But, there is a major problem with that prayer. Deep down, I want there to be good news, because I'm scared of bad news. I'm sick of bad news. I hate bad news! But then, this verse comes to mind:
"They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them." -Psalm 112:7
Instead of being scared of bad news, I know that I need to train my heart to trust that the Lord will care for me. He has cared for me my whole life. He has cared for me since the beginning of time. So how can I not trust that He cares for me now? He cares for me even if I find out tomorrow that I need a D&C. Im so glad that this verse came to mind before I get the news tomorrow. I am constantly praying that the Lord would refine my heart, remove my fear, and replace it with full trust in His seemingly confusing plan for my life.
I am so thankful that God is teaching me these hard lessons now, and I pray that it will help make me the best mommy that I could possibly be when that amazing day finally comes! I love you so much!
-mommy
Bad news. I feel like life is full of so much bad news. All I wanted was a healthy, full term pregnancy. Then after we found out that wasn't going to happen, all I wanted was for the miscarriage to be an easy one. I prayed, and begged God to let it pass easily and without complication. But now, I'm not even sure that is going to happen.
Long story short, after I thought the miscarriage was over, the doctor wanted to check my blood work to make sure my levels had gone back down to my pre-pregnancy level of 0. Kinda funny, all I ever wanted to see was my levels go UP, and now, I'm praying for them to go DOWN. After my blood work last week, they wanted my level to come back at 0, but it came back at a whopping 17,500. Basically what this means is that I still have remnants of your brother or sister inside of me, and they aren't wanting to let go. This would require a procedure called a D&C. The worst part is that this is a $2,500 procedure! We have already spent your entire college fund to try and become pregnant, so to have to pay money to finalize the end of our first pregnancy just flat out sucks.
Tomorrow is mommy's birthday. My 25th birthday. According to my life plan that I had written in stone at the age of 14, I should have my first child by now. Clearly, that hasn't happened. And tomorrow, on my birthday, is when I will find out whether I need the D&C or not. I am begging God for good news. Just this once, please let there be good news.
But, there is a major problem with that prayer. Deep down, I want there to be good news, because I'm scared of bad news. I'm sick of bad news. I hate bad news! But then, this verse comes to mind:
"They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them." -Psalm 112:7
Instead of being scared of bad news, I know that I need to train my heart to trust that the Lord will care for me. He has cared for me my whole life. He has cared for me since the beginning of time. So how can I not trust that He cares for me now? He cares for me even if I find out tomorrow that I need a D&C. Im so glad that this verse came to mind before I get the news tomorrow. I am constantly praying that the Lord would refine my heart, remove my fear, and replace it with full trust in His seemingly confusing plan for my life.
I am so thankful that God is teaching me these hard lessons now, and I pray that it will help make me the best mommy that I could possibly be when that amazing day finally comes! I love you so much!
-mommy
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